This is a loaded word. It means different things or at least changes in degree depending on the situation. My baby trusts that I will catch her when I throw her in the air. Trust that the brakes on my car will work b/c the mechanic checked them and said they would. So trust that the mechanic told the truth. Trusted confidence of a friend, co-worker, pastor/priest, counselor, etc. Trust that Christ was/is/will be all He said. Now I know this one hits ‘faith’ but it is still trust that what you’ve put your Trust in is True. Trust in a spouse as you say I do. Trust in family and that family is safe.
But what happens to Trust when it is broken? I guess again this answer changes in degree depending on the situation. If I drop my baby, she might not let me toss her in the air again by hanging on for dear life, but we still have relationship. If a counselor breaks confidentiality, the relationship is severed. If a spouse breaks the trust of the marriage, several possibilities can occur; heartbreak (a given), separation, and divorce at the worst, but at best also reconciliation. If trust is broken by family members, again it can depend. A relationship may be severed, broken, or again eventually reconciled.
But what happens? These are possible outcomes but what happens to the person whose trust was broken. The outcomes are visible to the world and can be seen by anyone. What about the unseen? What about the doubt, confusion, betrayal, pain, and so on? How do you trust again?
I hear this question daily in many forms, whether spoken or unspoken. “How do I trust the world again after being assaulted”? “How do I trust him/her again after betraying our vows by abusing me?” “How do I trust men again after rape?” “How do I trust my family again after daddy/mommy touched me?” “How do I trust God after this has happened to my loved one?”
I don’t know. Yes, there is my answer. I know, it’s deep. However, I think it is a different process for everyone. Some are able to trust again – maybe too quickly. Some are not able to ever trust again – truly tragic. Granted those are the extreme ends of the pendulum swing. But I think it really happens somewhere in the middle and with each new situation and person. I also think it is the beloved saying, “One day at a time.” Most of the time I really hate little sayings like this, but there is great Truth in this one.
As most of us have had our trust broken, whether by a friend or more like the ways I mentioned above, we have learned how to deal – either in a healthy way or not. I was recently asked by a father whose young son was victimized, "how do I trust God again after this? How could He allow this to happen?" The mother wanted to know, "how do I trust the world again and not gather my children up, keep them home safe with me?" I don’t know.
But it got me to thinking, how do I trust people and the world around me again and again? I didn’t dig my hole, well, ok, but I didn’t stay there. So I dug my hole and I like returning on occasion. I made a nice place. But it’s not a place one can live – and have life abundantly. I’m not a trusting person. In fact, I will go as far to say I don’t really trust anyone to the fullest. (Hopefully, this statement does not hurt anyone as it isn’t meant to. On the other hand, if you know me, then this shouldn’t be a surprise either.) Yet, I have relationships. I’m married and I would say happily. I have friends, siblings, parents, in laws, co-workers and so on. I think they are all good relationships, but I don’t trust. So what is my point in all of this? Uhh, good question.
As this dad was asking me his questions, it reminded me of the book, The Shack. I’m reminded of the scene where Mac, the dad, is angry that God/Papa allowed the murder of his young daughter. And the response is one we know, but is either forgotten in times of trauma/grief or is unacceptable. The answer is Papa didn’t allow the murder. We know He didn’t prevent it, so what did He do? He gave us Freewill long ago in a garden and with that came pain – for both sides.
Freewill – a powerful word. I think we are ok with freewill for ourselves, but not always for other people. I know I want to always have freewill and make decisions, but I can’t honestly say that I’m glad other people have it too. Am I glad that my husband has the freewill to choose to believe or deny there is a God? Not if I’m honest. Am I glad that one day my beautiful child that I love may look at me and say horrible things in anger? Can’t say I look forward to that. Am I glad that those who have broken my trust had the power/freewill to hurt me? No, I’m not. Am I ok that the victims that I work with have been hurt at the hands of another b/c of freewill? No, I’m not.
So basically, I want to be a dictator. Ok, not really, but in essence isn’t that what I’m saying – Freewill - good for me, bad for you? Because of this ‘gift’, I will be hurt, betrayed and broken, but so will you – and maybe unfortunately by me.
However (I like this word), there is a flip side to this. The flip side is I do have it too. Well, duh, didn’t I just say that? See, I also have the freewill to forgive, and therefore, trust, love, move forward again and again… What I have learned is that I cannot do this on my own and to try would be futile. What did Papa do with Mac and the situation of his murdered child? He helped Mac forgive. He gave Mac the strength to use his freewill to choose to forgive. He took Mac’s burden off his shoulders and on to His Own.
He took my anger, pain, feelings of betrayal, disappointment (even in Him) and made it His own. He took it so I don’t have to carry it. Just as He will take it from this father whose son has been victimized by another, … when he lets Him (there it is – that freewill).
I don’t know how you trust again. I know it leaves a lasting scar when it’s broken, but I also know (1st hand) that wounds heal. No, the area that was wounded never looks the same again, but it does heal and looks different. Personally, I like scars. They tell a story. They show life being lived - abundantly.
But what happens to Trust when it is broken? I guess again this answer changes in degree depending on the situation. If I drop my baby, she might not let me toss her in the air again by hanging on for dear life, but we still have relationship. If a counselor breaks confidentiality, the relationship is severed. If a spouse breaks the trust of the marriage, several possibilities can occur; heartbreak (a given), separation, and divorce at the worst, but at best also reconciliation. If trust is broken by family members, again it can depend. A relationship may be severed, broken, or again eventually reconciled.
But what happens? These are possible outcomes but what happens to the person whose trust was broken. The outcomes are visible to the world and can be seen by anyone. What about the unseen? What about the doubt, confusion, betrayal, pain, and so on? How do you trust again?
I hear this question daily in many forms, whether spoken or unspoken. “How do I trust the world again after being assaulted”? “How do I trust him/her again after betraying our vows by abusing me?” “How do I trust men again after rape?” “How do I trust my family again after daddy/mommy touched me?” “How do I trust God after this has happened to my loved one?”
I don’t know. Yes, there is my answer. I know, it’s deep. However, I think it is a different process for everyone. Some are able to trust again – maybe too quickly. Some are not able to ever trust again – truly tragic. Granted those are the extreme ends of the pendulum swing. But I think it really happens somewhere in the middle and with each new situation and person. I also think it is the beloved saying, “One day at a time.” Most of the time I really hate little sayings like this, but there is great Truth in this one.
As most of us have had our trust broken, whether by a friend or more like the ways I mentioned above, we have learned how to deal – either in a healthy way or not. I was recently asked by a father whose young son was victimized, "how do I trust God again after this? How could He allow this to happen?" The mother wanted to know, "how do I trust the world again and not gather my children up, keep them home safe with me?" I don’t know.
But it got me to thinking, how do I trust people and the world around me again and again? I didn’t dig my hole, well, ok, but I didn’t stay there. So I dug my hole and I like returning on occasion. I made a nice place. But it’s not a place one can live – and have life abundantly. I’m not a trusting person. In fact, I will go as far to say I don’t really trust anyone to the fullest. (Hopefully, this statement does not hurt anyone as it isn’t meant to. On the other hand, if you know me, then this shouldn’t be a surprise either.) Yet, I have relationships. I’m married and I would say happily. I have friends, siblings, parents, in laws, co-workers and so on. I think they are all good relationships, but I don’t trust. So what is my point in all of this? Uhh, good question.
As this dad was asking me his questions, it reminded me of the book, The Shack. I’m reminded of the scene where Mac, the dad, is angry that God/Papa allowed the murder of his young daughter. And the response is one we know, but is either forgotten in times of trauma/grief or is unacceptable. The answer is Papa didn’t allow the murder. We know He didn’t prevent it, so what did He do? He gave us Freewill long ago in a garden and with that came pain – for both sides.
Freewill – a powerful word. I think we are ok with freewill for ourselves, but not always for other people. I know I want to always have freewill and make decisions, but I can’t honestly say that I’m glad other people have it too. Am I glad that my husband has the freewill to choose to believe or deny there is a God? Not if I’m honest. Am I glad that one day my beautiful child that I love may look at me and say horrible things in anger? Can’t say I look forward to that. Am I glad that those who have broken my trust had the power/freewill to hurt me? No, I’m not. Am I ok that the victims that I work with have been hurt at the hands of another b/c of freewill? No, I’m not.
So basically, I want to be a dictator. Ok, not really, but in essence isn’t that what I’m saying – Freewill - good for me, bad for you? Because of this ‘gift’, I will be hurt, betrayed and broken, but so will you – and maybe unfortunately by me.
However (I like this word), there is a flip side to this. The flip side is I do have it too. Well, duh, didn’t I just say that? See, I also have the freewill to forgive, and therefore, trust, love, move forward again and again… What I have learned is that I cannot do this on my own and to try would be futile. What did Papa do with Mac and the situation of his murdered child? He helped Mac forgive. He gave Mac the strength to use his freewill to choose to forgive. He took Mac’s burden off his shoulders and on to His Own.
He took my anger, pain, feelings of betrayal, disappointment (even in Him) and made it His own. He took it so I don’t have to carry it. Just as He will take it from this father whose son has been victimized by another, … when he lets Him (there it is – that freewill).
I don’t know how you trust again. I know it leaves a lasting scar when it’s broken, but I also know (1st hand) that wounds heal. No, the area that was wounded never looks the same again, but it does heal and looks different. Personally, I like scars. They tell a story. They show life being lived - abundantly.
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.
1 comment:
Wow, Kate. Amen. What's so good about Good Friday? You just answered that question. I love getting to read your insights, your musings, and see a glimpse of the journey the Lord is leading you through. I continue to miss you, pray for you, and love you!
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