I just recently went back home to Texas for a visit with my family. It wasn't a planned trip, but it was a great one. I woke up one Sunday morning and realized I needed to go home, so I packed up the kids and we set off for Texas. (Thankfully, I have a husband who is understanding and supportive of my whims. Love you, Babe!) So I got the car loaded with luggage and toys and diapers and....so on. Then I loaded the most precious cargo, my babies - a 2 1/2 year old and a 5 month old. (Proof that I was desperate to go.) The trip went great and I have to say I have amazing children. They traveled like troopers. No screaming. Naps were taken. It was great! Truly!
Now I know some of this is going to sound really funny and way out there, because it is. I just don't know of any other way to describe what I feel. So keep that in mind - I don't really "believe" the weird part of the following.
I have always loved Gone With The Wind! It is one of the best all time books and movies made (in my opinion). Anyway, I love the scene where Rhett and Scarlett are walking around Tara after the war and he realizes how much the land and the place of her childhood means to her, not only emotionally but mentally and physically. "You get your strength from this red earth of Tara, Scarlett." And she always went home when life got tough. At the end when Rhett leaves, she is unsure what to do, but remembers her home. "I know. I'll go home to Tara." And she can figure stuff out. I guess. The author ended the book. (and the book Scarlett is not an ending.)
Anyway, as we got further into to Texas, I could feel myself mentally and physically sigh. And then it was as if the land sighed too. I know weird. I told ya it would be. Now, I don't believe the land literally sighed, but I just felt at such peace to be home. It was wonderful. I met my dad at the half way point that night and was welcomed home. It was great! I understood Scarlett's feelings for home. My strength was in going home to Texas.
We ended up spending about a week and a half with my folks. I got to see my best friend from high school, my sister, brother-in-law, kids and my cousin and his family. Again, it was wonderful! I miss being around family sometimes. It was a restful time for me and I think the kids. They had a great time with their Granny and Pawpaw, and Suga, my mom's toy poodle whose real name is Sugar but isn't pronounced that way by a certain 2 yr old. And yes, it is said with a wonderful Southern drawl. Love it!!
But it was finally time to come back home to Colorado. As I started driving, I began to realize that my parents gave me a great gift. They gave me roots and they gave me wings! They gave me a home that is truly wherever they are. They gave me a place to go back to when this life is too much. They gave me ....... Tara. And I began to pray that for my children, "God, help me to give my children roots but also to give them wings!" It is my roots that take me home to Texas, but it is my wings that bring me back home to Colorado. I love the adventures I've had in first leaving Riesel for Dallas, then to Denver, then to Pennsylvania and then back to Denver. I've gotten to fly and highly recommend it.
I might not want my children to "fly" away one day, but I hope they do and I pray that I've created a place for them to come home, sigh and feel that peace.... a Tara.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Music and Memories (from Christmas 2009)
Lately, I have been listening to two songs again and again, “Seven Spanish Angels” by Willie Nelson and Ray Charles and “The Highwayman” by Waylon, Willie and The Boys. The nostalgia overwhelms me with names, faces and sounds. The sound of steel guitars crying in the background makes me smile as I am flooded with memories of long ago, of faces that are gone now, and flashes of scenes playing like a broken movie.
I remember listening to now classics or ‘oldies’ on a Reel to Reel player at Nanny and Granddaddy’s. I don’t remember all the songs or singers, and I’m not sure that is the point. Instead, the flashes are of building card houses in the carpet, learning how to build London Bridge out of dominoes, and many games of Solitaire where the goal was to “beat the man.” (By the way ~ I never have learned who the man was.) But somewhere in the midst of all of this is the music.
For this particular music, there are two people who stand out playing a role in my appreciation of these classics, Nanny and my sister, Deanna. I was introduced to not only Waylon, Willie and The Boys, but also The Gambler or Kenny Rogers, Tammy Wynette, Dolly Parton, Jim Reeves, Marty Robbins and many others. While these singers are probably met with varying degrees of appreciation, they have made their way into my life and now make me smile.
My sister and I used to share a room and while not all memories are pleasant (like getting pinched in the middle of the night ~ hey, I’m a cuddler!), there are some that will always be special. I am not sure she ever really wanted to, but she used to read to me the short stories from Reader’s Digest and if music was playing, she was singing, especially if it was a ballad. I have many memories of her crying and singing. Remember, Sis, the ballad of Teddy and the truckers?
For my Nanny, I remember a different form and time. The memories maybe fuzzy, but I remember names of Aunt Clara, Aunt Leona, Cat & Pawpaw, Aunt Ruby, Uncle Aaron and Aunt Elsie, and others. I remember the sound of hymns of old, like How Great Thou Art, being sung around a piano or acapella. I am amazed at how as a child I might not have understood or appreciated all going on around me, but as an adult a song can transport me back and make my eyes sting with tears, my lips smile and my voice sing out to the same tunes.
I am not sure what makes me so nostalgic now. Maybe it is just the music, the holidays, being pregnant and hormonal, or being a mom myself. But I share this and some music with my Nanny and sister in hopes of making them smile and remember their own sweet memories, but also to say Thank You. Thank you for playing a role in my appreciation of various types of music and more importantly my memories.
As I listen to “The Highwayman” and think of these things, my own Little One has brought me her music. It is of a little dog on a sled singing, rather loudly, “Sleigh Ride with You.” She plays it over my song and my memories fade into the background once more, but a new memory is forming for me and for her as we sing and dance to her ‘music.’ It is a moment I treasure and my prayers and hopes for her is that she too will have memories to look back on that are filled with music, laughter and even tears.
Merry Christmas! Enjoy the music and trip down memory lane. I may not be there with you, but then again we are together in the memories. I love you much.
I remember listening to now classics or ‘oldies’ on a Reel to Reel player at Nanny and Granddaddy’s. I don’t remember all the songs or singers, and I’m not sure that is the point. Instead, the flashes are of building card houses in the carpet, learning how to build London Bridge out of dominoes, and many games of Solitaire where the goal was to “beat the man.” (By the way ~ I never have learned who the man was.) But somewhere in the midst of all of this is the music.
For this particular music, there are two people who stand out playing a role in my appreciation of these classics, Nanny and my sister, Deanna. I was introduced to not only Waylon, Willie and The Boys, but also The Gambler or Kenny Rogers, Tammy Wynette, Dolly Parton, Jim Reeves, Marty Robbins and many others. While these singers are probably met with varying degrees of appreciation, they have made their way into my life and now make me smile.
My sister and I used to share a room and while not all memories are pleasant (like getting pinched in the middle of the night ~ hey, I’m a cuddler!), there are some that will always be special. I am not sure she ever really wanted to, but she used to read to me the short stories from Reader’s Digest and if music was playing, she was singing, especially if it was a ballad. I have many memories of her crying and singing. Remember, Sis, the ballad of Teddy and the truckers?
For my Nanny, I remember a different form and time. The memories maybe fuzzy, but I remember names of Aunt Clara, Aunt Leona, Cat & Pawpaw, Aunt Ruby, Uncle Aaron and Aunt Elsie, and others. I remember the sound of hymns of old, like How Great Thou Art, being sung around a piano or acapella. I am amazed at how as a child I might not have understood or appreciated all going on around me, but as an adult a song can transport me back and make my eyes sting with tears, my lips smile and my voice sing out to the same tunes.
I am not sure what makes me so nostalgic now. Maybe it is just the music, the holidays, being pregnant and hormonal, or being a mom myself. But I share this and some music with my Nanny and sister in hopes of making them smile and remember their own sweet memories, but also to say Thank You. Thank you for playing a role in my appreciation of various types of music and more importantly my memories.
As I listen to “The Highwayman” and think of these things, my own Little One has brought me her music. It is of a little dog on a sled singing, rather loudly, “Sleigh Ride with You.” She plays it over my song and my memories fade into the background once more, but a new memory is forming for me and for her as we sing and dance to her ‘music.’ It is a moment I treasure and my prayers and hopes for her is that she too will have memories to look back on that are filled with music, laughter and even tears.
Merry Christmas! Enjoy the music and trip down memory lane. I may not be there with you, but then again we are together in the memories. I love you much.
Updated Rambling
Well, it's been a LONG while since I last wrote on here. In my defense I've been a little busy. We have added a wonderful Little Man to our family, who is 4 months old now. He is such a joy and a happy baby. We are blessed!
I have been off work for a year now, and I'm back to looking for work. It is not a good market out there. Makes it hard not to look backwards and wonder, "did I do the right thing?" But I have a beautiful, healthy son...so, yes, I did the right thing.
My kids are finally asleep, so I have just a moment to write. Lots of thoughts these days, but not many put to paper or computer. So I have some writtings I've done that I'll post.
One of my favorites is a letter I wrote to my sister and Nanny about music and memories. It was their Christmas present from me last year. I just love the feelings I get when I re-read it or listen to the cd I made for them.
Well, there are my ramblings for now. I'll write more later.
If you're still reading, check back. Something will show up.
I have been off work for a year now, and I'm back to looking for work. It is not a good market out there. Makes it hard not to look backwards and wonder, "did I do the right thing?" But I have a beautiful, healthy son...so, yes, I did the right thing.
My kids are finally asleep, so I have just a moment to write. Lots of thoughts these days, but not many put to paper or computer. So I have some writtings I've done that I'll post.
One of my favorites is a letter I wrote to my sister and Nanny about music and memories. It was their Christmas present from me last year. I just love the feelings I get when I re-read it or listen to the cd I made for them.
Well, there are my ramblings for now. I'll write more later.
If you're still reading, check back. Something will show up.
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