I will start off by saying, I'm not doing well today. If you are expecting something happy, this isn't it. I'm angry, and that may very well be an understatement. I'm angry because a very 'insignificant' event has effected my life for 20 years now. It dawned on me yesterday that the event I remember so clearly is more than likely not remembered at all by the ones' that caused it. I doubt they remember the event or each other.
Twenty years ago, I was a junior in high school. It was the last week of school. A friend wanted to go see the buses let people off and see if a certain boy had arrived yet. (I do remember names, but I'm not going to give them - not important or the point.) Gotta love high school crushes! It wasn't the 'best' place to be as it was where the 'questionable' kids hung out. Well, two of them decided to fight in an incredibly small area with maybe 50 kids all trying to get out of the way. They fought and fell on my leg. In this 'insignificant' event, my life was effected and affected significantly. They tore the ligaments and tendons in my foot. When asked later what the fight was about, the reply was "he looked at me, so I hit him."
In the 20 years since, I've had close to 100 shots in my foot/ankle, a surgery, casts, learning to walk again and facing another surgery to repair the damage done that day. I'm angry! I dread the surgery as the first one hurt like hell! This one will be even more painful as they will be taking a graft from my leg for a usable tendon for my ankle. The current one is so destroyed, it is unusable. Lovely! I am not looking forward to this!
But I am hoping this time, it fixes my foot. I'd love to finally be pain free. But I'm also hoping and praying that I can forget the 'insignificant' event and the players in it. I know I have to let go of the anger. This is why I'm writing this. I know the more we keep things in, the worse it can build up that anger. I write this as a release and to ask for the prayers of my friends and family. Please pray for me, for surgery, for healing - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have forgiven the two guys, but I am remembering the verses and song that talks about 70x7. It is a process. Thankfully God doesn't give up on us and He continues the process in us of making us more like Him. I'm a LONG ways off from that!!
I hoped this would help me with my thoughts and feelings, and it has! I feel a little less angry and not as close to tears.
